


Detroit Police Department's Finest

by PrepSchoolAda



Series: Octopunk Advent! [2]
Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hansel and Gretel Fusion, Gen, Inspired by Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, Octopunk Advent, Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, ada is the witch, also tina is a detective because i say so, basically hansel and gretel but it's tina and gavin, idiot gen z cops, pure of heart lesbian and her dumb of ass male friend, though in this fic they're both dumb of ass because i think i'm funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27798625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrepSchoolAda/pseuds/PrepSchoolAda
Summary: Octopunk Advent Day 5 - GingerbreadTina and Gavin are called to investigate multiple android disappearances in a nearby forest. When they get there, they find something very strange - a gingerbread house in the middle of the woods that seems to be laced with thirium. What on Earth have they happened upon, and are they ready for what they'll find inside?
Relationships: Tina Chen & Gavin Reed
Series: Octopunk Advent! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033821
Kudos: 5





	Detroit Police Department's Finest

**Author's Note:**

> idfk what the hell this is but i found the idea funny so off we go!
> 
> HAPPY HOLIDAAAAAYS

"Do you think we should have called for backup?" whispered Tina as she and Gavin walked deeper into the woods. "We don't know what we're walking into."

"Nah, less noise this way," Gavin muttered as they tentatively approached the point Fowler had ordered them to investigate. "Don't wanna let 'em flee, whoever they are."

"Supposing the killer's even out here," said Tina doubtfully. "They might not be. This all seems way too easy, and _way_ too obvious. Serial killer in the woods? Really? I could write a better crime novel in my sleep."

"I'm sure you could, T," said Gavin, only half-joking. "Okay, quiet. We're getting close now."

When they happened upon the co-ordinates Fowler had sent them, they were met with a puzzling sight.

"What... the hell?" Gavin murmured, completely dumbfounded. Nothing could have prepared him for this.

A huge blue house stood before them, decorated with blue sweets and snacks, all stuck to the deep blue walls, and the whole building seemed to be otherwise made entirely out of blue gingerbread.

"Is that a... giant gingerbread house?" hissed Tina.

"It's a giant fuckin' gingerbread house," said Gavin, not even caring to lower his voice anymore. "A giant fuckin' _blue_ gingerbread house."

"Is it made with thirium? How?" Tina said mostly to herself, reaching out to touch the walls.

Gavin slapped her hand away, frowning at her. "Don't! You don't know..."

Tina raised her hands in bewilderment, not seeming to realise that she was still holding a loaded gun. "What, do you think I'll catch gingerbread thirium poisoning?"

"I don't know?! Maybe?! And watch where you swing that thing!" wheezed Gavin, flinching as Tina flailed.

"Oh my god," sighed Tina, shoving her gun in its holster and holding her head in her hands. "What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck?"

"How the hell do they maintain that?" Gavin said, gazing upon the marvellous, hideous blue gingerbread wonder. "Did whoever's inside... bake it? If a wall crumbles, do they bake another wall?"

"Gavin, what the hell would I know about thirium gingerbread house maintenance?!" Tina demanded, and then her eyes widened as she considered Gavin's words. "...oh my God, they probably do have to bake new walls."

"Right, T?! That's insane!"

"Super insane!"

"Are we even sure the killer lives here?" said Gavin. "Maybe the homeowner is too busy baking fuckin' thirium gingerbead walls and furniture to commit mass murder."

Tina's head whipped around to look at Gavin. "Dude. You think the furniture is made of thirium gingerbread too? I really wanna know."

"Me too, but we should go continue the search," said Gavin, turning to walk away. However, both were alarmed by the sound of the thirium gingerbread door creaking open. It turned out that loudly discussing thirium gingerbread house maintenance right outside said thirium gingerbread house attracted the attention of the homeowner.

Gavin and Tina exchanged desperate looks, and both genuinely contemplated legging it, but it was too late. The mysterious and proud owner of the thirium gingerbread house in the middle of the forest stood before them, and she didn't look the type to own such a property at all.

She had shoulder length blonde hair, had made some very eclectic fashion choices involving pantsuits and capes, and looked deeply unimpressed by Gavin and Tina. More shockingly, though, was the pile of thirium splattered limbs and internal android organs behind her, propped up against a roaring fireplace that had one single Christmas stocking hanging from it. The stocking appeared to have a disembodied android leg in it.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Tina and Gavin screamed in unison. The woman flinched slightly, and then rolled her eyes.

"Humans are so loud," she muttered in exasperation, and shut the door in Gavin and Tina's faces, who were still screaming.

The shrieking detectives turned to face each other, stuttering as they tried to articulate what they saw, making wild hand gestures in a futile attempt to re-enact it.

"The murderer _is_ here!" wheezed Tina. "They are... not what I expected!"

"Yeah, no shit!" said Gavin, looking rapidly between the blue gingerbread house and his distressed partner. 

"They... know we're cops, right?!" hissed Tina. "They're not gonna, I don't know... dispose of us?"

"She looked way more bored than concerned we were gonna arrest her," muttered Gavin, mostly to himself. "Um... okay, how do we go about this..."

Tina very reluctantly balled her hand into a fist and knocked on the door. She heard a very loud sigh from the other side, and Tina's hand immediately darted to her gun holster. The blonde lady answered again, looking very annoyed indeed.

"What?" she sighed. "I'm in the middle of something."

"Clearly," said Gavin. The blonde woman shot him a cold look.

"Um... hello... ma'am," said Tina, clearly unsure of herself. "I, um... you're under arrest on suspicion of homicide?"

The woman smirked. "Am I? You don't sound certain."

"You... you absolutely are!" said Gavin, who sounded even less confident.

"The humans are going to take me in," said the woman blankly. "That's very quaint."

There was nothing to suggest that Tina and Gavin couldn't physically overpower this woman. She was rather short, and her outfit looked far too pristine for her to risk creasing it by engaging in violence. And yet, something was so terrifying about her. Both Tina and Gavin were surprised that her glare alone wasn't turning them to stone.

Regardless, Gavin had had quite enough. He pulled out a set of handcuffs and made towards the blonde woman with them.

What happened next was a complete blur.

The woman had grabbed Gavin's free arm, twisted it behind him (which led to him making a noise he was deeply ashamed of), and pushed him away with so much force that when he collided with Tina, they were both knocked to the ground. Gavin was sure he heard the door slam shut from the ground.

"That was... really embarrassing for you..." rasped Tina as she pushed Gavin off of her.

"Hey, screw you, at least I tried to do something!" said Gavin defensively, clutching the arm the blonde woman had twisted as he composed himself.

"We gotta call for backup," said Tina, pulling out her walkie talkie. "We should say not to send androids - I think the only reason she didn't outright attack us is because we're human."

It appeared to be true; the woman inside this bizarre thirium gingerbread house had been uncovered as a serial killer by two humans, and didn't care at all. She wasn't even worried that her whole operation was exposed. She deemed humans so incompetent that they couldn't possibly foil her.

"I mean, yeah, but... can humans take her? You saw her with us," muttered Gavin.

"Strength in numbers," Tina insisted, but didn't sound sure. As she contacted her colleagues, Gavin remained on his knees, looking bitterly upon the blue gingerbread house. He'd finally met his match. His match was a giant baked treat being inhabited by a scary blonde woman. This was the worst day of his life. And he'd had quite a lot of bad days.

"Okay, back-up's on the way," said Tina, pulling Gavin to his feet. "Let's make sure she doesn't flee."

Both detectives knew there was nothing to worry about on that front. The woman probably didn't think there was a reason to flee at all.

"I'm..." Gavin whispered, and then shook his head. "I'm questioning every single major life choice that brought me to this point."

"Yeah, me too, now go check if there's a back exit."

So Tina and Gavin kept careful but unnecessary watch over the thirium gingerbread house from the front and back exits, and as they did, Tina heard Gavin laughing from the other side of the house.

"What is it?"

"Ha," winced Gavin. "Nines is never gonna believe this shit."


End file.
